My List of 10 Most Common - But Really Stupid - Movie/TV Cliches

10) Extraterrestrial aliens not only look pretty much like us, they all speak flawless 20th/21st Century Earth English, too.

9) Dying characters always have plenty of time for a long, moving speech before dramatically gasping their last.

8 ) "It's all right, Agent Z-13. I've substituted tap water for the drug in the syringe, so you'll be fine." Bzzzzt. Water injections are lethal. (Air embolism forms from unpurified H20, travels to brain - instant stroke.)

7) Bad guys screw silencers on their revolvers - and they work. You can't silence a revolver. The sound still escapes out the back of the open chamber.

6) Getting walloped over the head with a gun butt or a glass bottle won't do anything more than knock you out for a little while. You'll be just fine after that. (Not. Can you say, "vegetable"?)

5) So what if the movie's set in 1453? Or 1 Million BC, for that matter? Every actress in it will have a modern-day hairdo and make-up job. And both will stay pristine, even when she's soaked, or rolling in the hay, or just waking up in the morning.

4) Every adult on Planet Earth has the IQ of a Thompson's seedless grape. Smart-ass teens and nauseatingly cute pre-adolescents, on the other hand, know everything and can do absolutely anything.

3) So, what are a few galaxies among friends? FTL travel between solar systems: stretching it. Travel between galaxies: really stretching it. Not knowing the difference and using the two terms synonymously: pricelessly stupid.

2) Does your script just plain suck? No problem. Just drown out all the dialogue with deafeningly loud soundtrack. Especially really crappy, crashing, screeching, banging, grunting rap soundtrack.

...and my Number One Really Stupid Obnoxiously Annoying Movie/TV Cliche:

1) Vomit-cam. Hey, dude! Shaking the damned camera constantly throughout the entire show is IN! Dizzy-panning and flash-cutting every scene 480 times a minute is IN! (But only if you're a snot-nosed, 20-something, MTV-raised, hot-s*** director with the IQ of a sand flea and the attention span of a gnat.)