A Star Trek "Mad-Lib" - by Jean Graham
[What's a "Mad-Lib"? Most of the time, it's a party game. You circulate
and ask several friends to fill in the blanks - without seeing the story.
"Give me an adverb, an adjective," etc. Then you read the results aloud.
Try it! And if anyone needs a little English 101 review: Adverb - modifies/describes
a verb (he dressed nicely, stupidly, stinkily, etc.); Adjective - describes
a noun (the fat, flea-bitten, mangy etc. dog); Verb - action word (drive,
walk, talk, throw); Noun - people, places or things (captain, spaceship,
pussycat); Synonym -- another word for (dopey is a synonym for silly, bright
for shiny, soaking for wet).]
"Retire?!!"
Admiral James T. Kirk bellowed (adverb) at the (adjective) Starfleet officer on the viewscreen. He (adverb) hoped no one would notice that his (plural noun) had fallen out: he snatched them up and (adverb) plopped them back into his mouth before continuing (adverb). "Why the (noun) should I retire? This ship doesn't even *use* tires, you (expletive)!"
Tottering to his command chair, Kirk (past tense verb) down and began (verb)ing out his orders. "Uhura, cut off that (animal)'s transmission this minute! Scotty! I want the engines at full (noun) power in (length of time). Chekov, plot a course to (proper name)-7. Sulu, (verb) the photon torpedoes, ahead warp factor (number). Oh, and Dr. McCoy, we'll have to reschedule that enema for (length of time) from next Tuesday."
"Coward!" squawked the intercom (adverb).
"Course laid in and (past tense verb), Admiral," Sulu (past tense verb).
"Is this truly (adjective) and logical, sir?" queried the venerable, (adjective) and gray-eared Captain Spock.
"Oh, shut up, you (adjective, noun)," snapped Kirk peevishly. "This is *my* (noun) and I say we're going out there, that a-way. I say we're going to explore (adjective) new (plural noun), to boldly (verb) where no (animal)-"
"Keptin! Keptin! Er, I mean, Admiral, Admiral!" Chekov (synonym for 'said'). "Vormhole dead ahead. Shall we alter our (noun), sir?"
"Eh?" said Kirk.
"Admiral," Spock muttered (adverb). "Admiral? Say, wasn't he demoted (number) movies back?" But no one was (verb)ing.
In a scintillating (noun) of special effects, the (adjective) wormhole swallowed the (adjective) starship, masticated it (adverb), and at long last, regurgitated it back out no-one-yet-knew-where.
The (adjective) thud woke Kirk from a (adjective) sleep. "Wh- what?" he sputtered (adverb). "Where are we?"
"It would appear," said Spock, squinting into his lighted (noun), "that we are resting rather (adverb) on..."
Kirk's (noun) clicked impatiently. "Well?"
Spock straightened to stare Kirk straight in the (body part). "A 20th Century Earth office building," he concluded with (adjective, noun).
"Dr. McCoy, Mr. Scott, Dr. Chapel and Ensign Expendable, report to the transporter room!" Kirk (synonym for said). "We're going down!"
Spock, Uhura, Chekov and Sulu also joined the (adjective) throng on the streets of a very (adjective) city. For one thing, nobody had a suntan at all, and for another, everyone was driving on the wrong side of the (noun).
"Everyone remember where we (past tense verb)," Kirk chirped as they started off. "We'll split into (number) groups and meet back here in exactly (period of time)."
Which of course is exactly what they did. After an (adverb) exhausting day spent trying to figure out why the heck a place called the Tower wasn't one at all (though they saw some [adverb] flashy baubles inside), Kirk and Spock returned to the (adverb) squashed office building with the (adjective) starship parked on top. McCoy and Scott were the first team to (verb) them at the rendezvous site, though Kirk was shocked to see that Mr. Scott was in (adverb, adjective) condition, and could barely (verb).
"It was (adjective)!" McCoy proclaimed. "Scotty bet (number) other skunk-drunk Scotsmen he could (verb) and make something called Big Ben chime just by using his head. Well, he did it all right, and then he (past tense verb) and fell straight out the window. Those (adjective) Scotsmen all gathered around him on the street, and when the (adjective) natives asked 'who's this?' they said, 'We dunno, but 'is face sure rings a bell!'"
For his part, Mr. Scott merely grinned and belched (adverb).
Chekov and Sulu arrived next, both (adverb) laden with (adjective) piles of books in all sizes and colors. "Vat a (adjective) place to shop!" Chekov enthused. "And here ve thought Forbidden Planet vas going to be a bordel- ow!"
Sulu had kicked him hard in the (body part), then grinned (adverb) at Kirk. "Just look, Admiral! First editions by (science fiction author, fantasy author, comic book writer) and (horror writer)!"
Spock made a (adjective) face. "Ah, yes. The Greats!"
Uhura and Chapel walked up at that moment, looking thoroughly (adjective). "Wait a minute," Kirk mused, clicking his (body part) again. "Wasn't Ensign Expendable with you?"
"Oh!" Chapel blubbered (adverb) "It was awful! (Adverb) awful! Sob! All we wanted was a brief (noun) at the royal (plural noun)!"
"(Adjective)," Uhura agreed. "We watched the changing of the Palace (noun), and then there was a (adjective) parade, and well..."
"The queen came riding by in a horse-drawn (vehicle)," Chapel sobbed. "She smiled at us and waved, and..."
"And WHAT?!?!" the entire group (past tense verb).
Uhura (past tense verb) her courage and blurted, "Poor Ensign Expendable got caught between the queen and a (verb)ing herd of trampling tabloid reporters." She sighed (adverb) and flourished a (adjective), bright red scrap of fabric. "This is all the (noun) we could salvage of him!"
"Damn." Kirk snatched the fragment and (past tense verb) it at Spock. "That's the (number)th/st one this week!! Costing us a (adjective) fortune in replacement uniforms!"
"Don't move," an icy voice suddenly demanded, and Kirk (past tense verb) to confront a tall, dark man with lethal eyes and a very (adjective) laser gun, a man dressed entirely in black leather dotted with (adjective) silver studs. He was flanked by a Phil Collins clone, a (adverb, adjective) black Amazon woman, and a handsome, skinny young (expletive) with curly hair and entirely too many teeth.
"What's the idea landing your (adverb) big spaceship on our roof?" Leather-and-Studs demanded.
"Eh?" Kirk squinched his eyes (adverb) and stared up at the mangled ruin of roof, noticing for the (number)th/st time a crumpled sign just (direction) of where the port nacelle rested. "Bones," he queried (adverb), "what does BBC stand for?"
"How the (noun) should I know? I'm a doctor, not a (noun)!"
"Boring Building Construction?" Uhura offered (adverb).
"Nae, lass," Scotty corrected her, hiccupping (adverb). "It stands for (adjective beginning with 'b', another adjective beginning with 'b', noun beginning with 'c')."
"Well, get your bloody big ship off our roof this (time measurement)," the toothy fellow (synonym for 'said'). "We've got an episode to shoot, and your starboard engines are squishing our (plural noun)!"
"Besides," said the Phil Collins clone from a safe (number, measure of distance) behind the others, "we don't need your kind around here!"
"That's right." Leather-and-Studs smiled like a (adjective) hungry alligator. "This is *our* town."
"Damned pushy natives," Kirk grumbled (adverb) to himself, but aloud he said, "All right, all right, keep your (adjective) studs on, we're (verb)ing! Kirk to transporter room - eight to (verb) up."
Chapel (past tense verb) her eyelashes at the man in black leather. "Say, handsome," she (synonym for said). "Are you married?"
The laser bolt sizzled (adverb) past Kirk, singeing his (body part) just as the transporter beam (past tense verb) them all away home.
- The End -